Published July 23, 2006
Blood splatters on the window sill,
I stand, poised, tip-toed and
tasting the flammable air.
Wallpaper adorned with flags and
the thought of united we fall,
it slips down the brick-lined hallways:
A crimson calm over the crisp panic.
Chip off a piece of this world, with
all its jangling gypsy riches,
and taste the air –
Spattered with synthetic bliss
and bedizened with happenstance dreams.
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141,266 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
Maybe try getting your message off clearly in the first couple of lines will make it understandable to the reader.
It seems well put together, but the core doesn't really show through. I guess my only advice is to indicate your message more.
Two-toed?
Idunno about this. It could be good but it seems to read really slowly. Might be the word choice and structure. It's also a little confusing.
Maybe some revision. But then again, poetry's not really my thing.
-MH